The conversations surrounding sexual assault have been increasing over the years. Those who have lived these experiences are coming forward and telling their stories, sometimes years later. Because of this, we are learning the reality of what many women and men have faced.

Every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. And 1 in 6 women have experienced rape or attempted rape. For some, the long-term pain continues. Of women who were raped, 30 percent were found to have PTSD. And 13 percent have attempted suicide.

As the visible wounds of sexual assault heal, the oftentimes unseen mental health impact will linger. That’s why it’s so important to understand what individuals are going through, and how you can help them.

How can I help someone who has been sexually assaulted? What should I say?

Encourage them to seek help. Offer to be there for any of the things they might be going through, like going to the hospital or police.

But also, be patient as they open up. Listen to them. Believe them. And be supportive.

When someone has been sexually assaulted they feel very vulnerable. They are often afraid they will not be believed or that they will be blamed for the assault. One of the best things you can do is acknowledge how difficult it was to say something and that you are honored they trusted you enough to talk about what was done to them.

Try saying:

“I am so sorry this was done to you.”

“This was not your fault.”

“I’m honored you trust me and told me this.”

“What do you need the most right now? How can I help?”

“Would you like me to take you to the hospital for an exam?” (If the assault happened within the last 10 days.)

There are also things you should avoid doing:

Don’t say “I can’t believe that person would do such a thing.” It implies you do not believe the sexual assault occurred.

Do not ask for details.

Don’t try to “fix it.”

Don’t minimize it.

Don’t ask “why” questions. They are interpreted as blaming. Fear of being blamed is a huge part of why victims/survivors do not seek help.

What happens when someone goes to the hospital for an exam for sexual assault?

A person who comes to the hospital after a sexual assault has a brief assessment and is placed in a private room within a few minutes. Sexual assault is a priority and patients are given a room quickly.

Then, a nurse or doctor will examine the patient to see if they have medical needs that require immediate attention. After the exam, a trained expert in sexual assault is called in with the patient’s permission. If a patient is OK with it, a sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE) – which is what I am – is paged. We are nurses who are trained specifically for these situations.

We know that the patient has just experienced something that is traumatizing. So we make sure that our approach is sensitive and understanding. We also continue to keep them informed as we go on with the exam. Patients are offered options throughout the process and may decline any portion of the exam. A SANE’s job is to help patients regain control of their lives. SANEs are trained to:

Listen while a patient tells the details of the assault. A SANE provides support and gives suggestions for ongoing care for both physical and mental health. The patient is treated with respect and compassion at all times.

Conduct a physical exam, looking for injuries or pain. We document injuries in writing and with photographs. We can also assess if the patient needs medications to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

Collect evidence. Typically this involves cotton swabs to collect samples from parts of the body that may contain DNA from the assailant. Photographs may also be taken with the patient’s consent.

Give detailed instructions about how the patient can take care of themselves once they leave the Emergency Center.

Call a sexual assault advocate to come to the hospital to provide support during this difficult time. Advocacy agencies are county-based, so hospitals may be served by different agencies, depending on the county where the hospital is located.

Help the patient make a police report if they wish. A police report is not required to receive an exam by a SANE. A police report may also be made in the days after an exam, if the patient chooses.

Medical care is also very important.

How is someone’s mental health affected after an assault?

Sexual assault can affect someone’s mental health, either short-term or long-term. This can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD and even suicidal feelings. Patients who have a history of a mental illness may be even more adversely affected.

If someone who has been sexually assaulted already has a therapist, it is a good idea for them to make an appointment with them. It is a good idea to stay connected with an advocacy agency after sexual assault, as feelings may continue to come up months or even years later as a person heals.

There have been a lot of people coming forward to say they were sexually assaulted many years ago. Why is this happening?

Sexual assault is a very traumatic event in someone’s life. They may feel like they can’t tell anyone when it happens. And they may be afraid they will not be believed. Often, people blame themselves and worry they did something to cause the assault to happen. But no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. The shame associated with sexual assault belongs to the perpetrator – not to the victim/survivor.

It may take years for someone to be able to talk about their experience. Hearing others talk about what was done to them can help someone feel they are not alone. Just because someone did not tell about their experience right away does not mean it did not happen.

Hearing or reading about someone else’s experience may also bring back feelings of vulnerability, however, and it is important to address those feelings. Next steps would include:

Making an appointment with a primary care provider

Making an appointment with a therapist

Contacting sexual violence services to talk with someone who understands and can make a referral for additional help

One of the hardest things for someone to do is open up. Starting a conversation about sexual assault or other mental health conditions can be tough – in large part due to shame or stigma. But talking is the first step to getting better. Our Make It OK campaign works to end the stigma that could stop someone from getting the mental health treatment they need. Sign the pledge and do your part to Make It OK.

** All of the above information is copied directly from HealthPartners.com **

As a family member or friend of a man who has experienced sexual abuse or assault, your needs matter, too.

If you know a man who has experienced sexual abuse or assault, you may be wondering how you can best support him. Perhaps you’re just beginning to learn about the negative effects of such an experience, or maybe you’ve been dealing with these issues for years.

Whatever your situation, we have resources for you (outlined below). But first, especially if you’re just beginning to deal with this, our most important advice: take care of yourself, and don’t push him.

The better you take care of yourself, the more effectively you can support him. You’ll be more able to take a break when you’re getting overwhelmed, manage feelings like anger and sadness, and reach out for help when you need it. You will also be a model of self-care for him, and more likely to stick with him (in ways that are healthy for you), even in the hardest times.

Take care of yourself, and don’t push him.

Pacing yourself is important, too. It’s possible to learn a lot about male sexual abuse and assault pretty quickly, but you don’t have to fiture everything out right away. If you don’t pace yourself, going full steam ahead can create new problems.

When we push others to get help, we’re often responding more to our own (difficult to tolerate) feelings than to the other person’s needs. The other person might sense this, resist, and push back. At that point it can become a struggle that helps neither person -- especially the person who could really benefit from finding help.

Before trying to share what you learn with the man you’re concerned about, take some time to “digest” the information for yourself. Take time to sort through your own feelings, beliefs, and needs. And take time to consider what might be the most effective way to talk with him.

Important: Taking care of yourself and not pushing him does not mean neglecting either of your needs, or that meeting your needs must depend on his pace.

As you focus on taking care of yourself, you may need to let him know (without threats or ultimatums) that, while you respect his needs and pace, your needs are equally important and you have your own pace—including for coming to decisions about your relationship with him.

Recommendations for where to start:

- Begin by reading about defining (or not defining) unwanted sexual experiences for men.

- Chat one-on-one with a trained advocate through the 24/7 national helpline—free, confidential, and anonymous. A trained advocate can answer questions, offer support, and refer you to resources in your area (if they exist).

- Explore myths & facts around the issue of male sexual abuse and assault.

- View male survivor stories for inspiring portraits and stories of men who’ve overcome unwanted sexual experiences.

- Find general information about male sexual abuse and assault, including common questions and various topics.

- Read one or more of the excellent books we recommend.

Please keep in mind that, as someone who cares about a man who has had such experiences, you are not alone. Researchers estimate that at least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, and this is likely a low estimate.

** All of the information above is copied directly from 1in6.org **